Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
