Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
