So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
pray to the hookup gods
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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