This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
