dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
