Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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