the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
