Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
