Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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