I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
