Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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