He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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