The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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