so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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