Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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