I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
