just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
