sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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