what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
