i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Hippo gnu deer
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
