Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
