I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
