Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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