3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize