My nipple is on Facebook.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
