Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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