I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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