I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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