i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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