just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
