i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
