Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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