So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
