When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
That reminds me...we need to get swords
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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