dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Randomize
