You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
