like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
