fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
