Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
