it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The power of my boobs compel you
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize