So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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