I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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