Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
