So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
