i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
