i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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