Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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