the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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