When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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