He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
