I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
