Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize