So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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