I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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