My boss' voice literally gives me gas
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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