i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
