Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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