She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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