I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
