Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
