I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
