I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
handjob tips. give me some.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
