I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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