i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
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