The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
try to milk me bitch
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
