dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
