Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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