Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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