I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
