I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
