I'll bet she douches with gravy.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
