so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
