I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
