i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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