we have officially lost it.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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