What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
