I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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