hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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