I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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