Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
