i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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