she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
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