He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
