Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
