I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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