Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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