Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
