Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
