Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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