Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
