me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
