it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
