clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
