I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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