I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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